Be Brave, Little One.

Lifetide Photography

I almost didn't write this post.  It was too honest, too revealing.  But, it's time to be honest.  I don't want to only share the happy moments.  I want to be transparent and genuine.  So, here it is...

I thought I was prepared, I really did.  I worked at a preschool for almost five years and worked specifically with babies for a year and a half.  There were eight babies to a room and two adult workers.  We had it down to a science, those babies were on a schedule and most days went by quickly and effectively.  I remember thinking, "What is so hard about having a baby? If I can manage eight babies, SURELY just having one will be a piece of cake."  

My sweet Ellie Elizabeth is a little over 3 months and I have to admit; I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm taking it day by day and that's o k a y. Unfortunately, it took some time for me to grasp that concept.  The first few weeks of Ell's life I was a wreck. People had warned me that postpartum emotions were strong and that I might feel down, but honestly, you truly don't know until you feel it.  It got so bad that on the way back from her first doctor's visit Christopher had to pull over and climb in the backseat with me to hold me as I cried. I felt guilty.  I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl, and instead of feeling grateful I felt immensely overwhelmed. On top of that, I found myself comparing myself to other new moms who seemed to have it all together from the moment they left the hospital.

I'll never forget the moment when everything changed.  Ellie was three weeks old and she had fallen asleep on my chest when I had a thought. "Would I want Ellie to be comparing herself to other women?" In that moment, my whole attitude changed and my whole purpose seemed to shift.  I want to be a positive influence on my daughter's life.  I want her to be confident in herself and in her abilities.  I want her to be brave.  So, as her mother I need to be those things.  I need to be confident, I need to trust myself.  I need to forgive myself, I need to love myself.

A dear friend of mine recently told me that parenting is two things: Loving your kid & praying like crazy.  And, that's what I'm going to do.

-Katie