Ramblings.

It's 8:40 on a Sunday night and I've got brownies baking in the oven and Demi Lovato's new single playing through my headphones. #judgeaway It's been a relaxing weekend and I'm trying to soak up every last moment. I'm pretty positive that Ellie is teething again. (hence, the brownies.  Mama needs a treat.) Thaaat made for an interesting afternoon! I can't believe that she'll be eight months old this month.  Time, please slow down.

I've received a lot of parenting advice since becoming a Mama to Ellie, but my favorite and by far the most impactful came from a quote that my sister sent me a couple of weeks ago. " A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem." - Naomi Wolf  Like any girl, I've had insecurities about myself and my body type my entire life.  I'm 5'1, curvy and Puerto Rican.  Even at my smallest, I had big hips & a big rear end.  I'm a long way from my 19 year old body, marriage and a baby have changed my body significantly.  It's so easy to look in the mirror and list off the parts of my body that I want to change.  But, I'm alive and healthy.  I'm trying my best to live a healthy lifestyle and that's what matters most.  Since reading that I have challenged myself to say at least one positive thing about my body every time I look in the mirror.  I find that I'm carrying myself differently, and that I've become much more confident.  It's such an empowering feeling!

Full disclaimer, Rachel Platten's "Fight Song." started playing on my itunes radio while I was typing that last paragraph and I currently have tears streaming down my face.  Gets me e v e r y time.

I've got a warm brownie & a hot husband waiting on me, so, excuse me while I get my cuddle on.

 -Katie

Be Brave, Little One.

Lifetide Photography

I almost didn't write this post.  It was too honest, too revealing.  But, it's time to be honest.  I don't want to only share the happy moments.  I want to be transparent and genuine.  So, here it is...

I thought I was prepared, I really did.  I worked at a preschool for almost five years and worked specifically with babies for a year and a half.  There were eight babies to a room and two adult workers.  We had it down to a science, those babies were on a schedule and most days went by quickly and effectively.  I remember thinking, "What is so hard about having a baby? If I can manage eight babies, SURELY just having one will be a piece of cake."  

My sweet Ellie Elizabeth is a little over 3 months and I have to admit; I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm taking it day by day and that's o k a y. Unfortunately, it took some time for me to grasp that concept.  The first few weeks of Ell's life I was a wreck. People had warned me that postpartum emotions were strong and that I might feel down, but honestly, you truly don't know until you feel it.  It got so bad that on the way back from her first doctor's visit Christopher had to pull over and climb in the backseat with me to hold me as I cried. I felt guilty.  I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl, and instead of feeling grateful I felt immensely overwhelmed. On top of that, I found myself comparing myself to other new moms who seemed to have it all together from the moment they left the hospital.

I'll never forget the moment when everything changed.  Ellie was three weeks old and she had fallen asleep on my chest when I had a thought. "Would I want Ellie to be comparing herself to other women?" In that moment, my whole attitude changed and my whole purpose seemed to shift.  I want to be a positive influence on my daughter's life.  I want her to be confident in herself and in her abilities.  I want her to be brave.  So, as her mother I need to be those things.  I need to be confident, I need to trust myself.  I need to forgive myself, I need to love myself.

A dear friend of mine recently told me that parenting is two things: Loving your kid & praying like crazy.  And, that's what I'm going to do.

-Katie